Juggling Writing and Family Life by Anne Bennett

When Valerie-Anne wrote about the way she viewed her writing life, she likened it to a constant spin cycle and I know exactly how she feels, for it’s how I feel too. If I was to give a tip to aspiring writers, it would be quite presumptuous of me, for one of the first things I would advise them to do would be to concentrate on managing their time efficiently to give themselves space to write. Yet after nearly eighteen years in the business, and at present writing my 19th novel, that is the thing that I struggle with most. And like the majority of women this failing makes me feel guilty so much of the time.

My family is very important to me and I have four children. Three of them have married, bringing two son-in-laws and one daughter-in-law to join our family, and then produced children of their own so we also have five grandchildren. It often seems that one of them is having a crisis of one kind or another, or that they just need a hand for a while. If I can’t help them, I immediately feel guilty that I can’t, yet if I do and then my writing suffers, I feel guilty about that. 

We also go in for get-togethers as we live a fair distance from one another, so meeting up is usually amazing. I am of Irish descent and we party very well indeed and when the family are all together we always have fun.

It’s like keeping all the balls in the air trying to please everyone and strike some sort of balance and this year the balls were very top heavy on the family side as my youngest daughter got married in early August. So of course the spring was taken up with choosing the venue, the outfits and having fittings for my daughter’s dress, during which I was asked to look after Catrin, their little girl who was three at the time. The guest list had to be drawn up and invitations issued, the flowers organised (who would be having button holes etc), and hiring matching suits for the men. 

It was all very exciting and something I very much wanted to be part of, as any mother would, just as I wanted to be part of the hen weekend when we took over a youth hostel in a small Yorkshire town and had a ball.

After the wonderful wedding we looked after Catrin for a few days while her parents went away. 

However, Catrin hadn't been back long when my husband, Denis, developed a severe infection in his lungs. For months they were unable to clear it and I was extremely concerned as he had battled with lung cancer four years ago. As he could do so little for himself without becoming frighteningly breathless, writing took a back seat while I cared for him.

He is slightly recovered now and able to do more for himself and so now I am ready for Christmas, I would like to be back to the work-in-progress until the festive season is upon us. But again it will have to be shelved as my daughter-in-law’s mother died almost a fortnight ago, which is sad for me too for I knew her very well, and we will soon be travelling to Birmingham for the funeral.

My publisher knows all about the difficulties I have had this year and they have been very understanding and are publishing another of my backlist ahead of the new book to give me more time. This book, out in May, is called ‘Love Me Tender’ - Elvis eat your heart out!

Let’s hope 2015 is not quite so turbulent and I will be able to settle down to some serious writing.

  

Tips for Being a Domestic Writer-Goddess at Christmas

Feeling stressed? Tearing your hair out, wondering how on earth you’re going to get everything ready for Christmas without completely neglecting the novel? Well read on, because a few of the Novelistas have some tips for staying calm over the holiday period...

Annie Burrows: “My first tip is get online if you can and order your big Christmas shop from your favourite supermarket, and get them to deliver it to your home. I know some of them charge up to a fiver for this – but think of all the time you save queuing, and trying to find a parking space, and getting soaked (because it always seems to pour with rain when the only parking space is at the furthest corner of the supermarket car park). And yes, there may be one or two items that don't arrive, but then they wouldn't have been on the shelves if you'd gone to get them yourself, so you would still have had to go to the corner shop for the cranberry sauce/hovis/holly-sprigged loo rolls.

And it's Christmas - you deserve to treat yourself!”

And your second tip, Annie? “Don’t take on extra blogging!”

June Francis: “In the run-up to Christmas, I find it's best to give one day over to writing. I can concentrate on the characters and plot that way, and the next day think about and do Christmassy things.”

Valerie-Anne Baglietto: “I start all my shopping weeks in advance so there's not masses of last minute stuff. Then, once the kids are off school for the holidays, I accept that I won’t get any writing done so I make the most of enjoying family time instead. Of course, as I said in a previous post, the writing muscle is always at work, so even while I'm busy baking Christmas cookies with the kids (because I always seem to turn into Mary Berry at this time of year) I can't hold back the plot twists and ideas that insist on swirling through my head. So my final tip: ALWAYS keep a notebook and pen handy... on the kitchen counter, by the stash of nuts on the sideboard that never seem to get shelled, or even under the Christmas tree."

Louise Marley: "My advice would be to not even try! Make sure all your deadlines have been met and then give yourself over to organising Christmas. If you try to do everything you'll be the one going crackers. Enjoy spending time with your family and keep a notebook handy to write down any ideas. Somewhere round about 3.00 pm on Christmas Day you'll find the kids have disappeared to play with their new toys and everyone else has nodded off. You now have the choice between the washing up or turning those ideas into a story. Don't disappoint me!"

Johanna Grassick: “Like Valerie-Anne, I can’t get much done once everyone’s home, so I suggest you regard it as time for filling the well of creativity. Watch lots of films, read lots of books, spend time catching up with friends and family – it’s all ‘research’ for plots and characters! If you're really brave, you could try getting up early and getting an hour's work in while everyone else is in bed. It's better than nothing and it keeps the book ticking over in your mind.”



Happy Christmas from the Novelistas!

The Writing Life ... a Constant Spin Cycle! by Valerie-Anne Baglietto

Valerie-Anne Baglietto continues the new series on successfully juggling writing and a busy life (or failing, as the case may be)... 

When I was asked to come up with a blog post about juggling writing with a hectic life, I admit I was daunted. So many other writers have produced amusing, sparkling and informative posts on the subject, I wasn’t sure what more I could add. So I went away (well, I sat down in my favourite armchair with a coffee) and thought long and hard about it and realised all I could offer was absolute, hand-on-heart, painful honesty. Which might make me unpopular, but then I do suffer from foot-in-mouth syndrome, so I hope I’ll be let off.

I’ve been writing professionally for around twenty years - since circumstances led me to give up working as a graphic designer - earning enough from writing to be able to sustain my handbag habit. I’ve mutated from a single twenty-something living with my parents into a menopausal* housewife and mum of three (*not quite there yet, but it covers a lot of excuses for my general behaviour). I appreciate I’ve been lucky. Without a Day Job outside the home, I’ve had time to write indulgently for hours on end, happy and free from guilt, right?

Guilt… 

The arch nemesis in a writer’s life. Well, in mine, at least. And it’s a two-edged sword. Firstly, regret for those times I’m so obsessed with my story and my characters that I can’t focus on my family – an uncomfortable nagging feeling that I’m failing them somehow. Secondly, guilt that I ought to be writing when I’m busy keeping the household functioning as it should.

I don’t know if this all stems from the post natal depression that blanketed me when my eldest was born. I was working to contractual deadlines back then. It all got too much, but even with the attached remorse that my baby was growing up fast and I couldn’t savour it, writing became my therapy. I managed four novels – straightforward romcoms – before I had my third child. I allowed motherhood to take over my life completely at that point because a) post natal depression hit again and I felt swamped, b) I was drained of ideas I felt passionate about, and c) my publishers didn’t want such large gaps between books.

Writing v. Motherhood

A couple of years on... 

I began to experiment with children’s stories. To cut a long story short, they evolved into contemporary adult fairy tales, and suddenly, blissfully, my passion for writing was reignited. So inevitably the guilt returned. The guilt that probably haunts every working parent who wants to work/needs to work/strives to find that perfect but ever-shifting balance between career and family.

The solution was simple if I wanted to write professionally without turning into an emotional wreck. I had to work for myself. I had to become an Indie. My own deadlines, my own rules, my own failures and successes, but with some much-needed help along the way. My first adult fairy tale Once Upon A Winter reached #1 in both the Fairy Tale and Contemporary Fantasy Charts on Amazon UK. I was elated, but I wasn’t complacent. Every Novelistas Ink member will tell you, it’s an uphill struggle, the proverbial treadmill. Achieving success can be easy in comparison to sustaining it.

Do you recognise yourself in any of this?

If it helps to know that you’re not alone and the writing life is *cliché alert* a journey not a destination, then I’m glad and relieved. I would have liked to produce a list of useful tips, as the other Novelistas will so eloquently do, but I failed miserably. There’s enough pressure out there for writers without putting more on ourselves. There isn’t one single approach to how we juggle work and life, because we’re all different. So this is me. And if it’s a little bit like you, then it’s nice to know we share a few traits.

Take NaNoWriMo, for instance... 

I just can’t do it. I once wrote 90k in six weeks, but that was another incarnation of my writing self, long before I had real commitments. I was up till three or four a.m., in Deep Writing Mode. Caffeinated. Hyper. Driven. Consumed. These days, the thought of trying to write so much in so little time turns me off. I’m not a bash-out-a-first-draft-fast person any more. I edit as I go along, so by the time I get to the end it’s more of a second draft. At this time of year, though, it’s easy to feel like an alien if you didn't take part in the NaNoWriMo challenge. For a novice writer, you might feel there’s something wrong with you if you didn't, or if you tried and failed, or if you just didn't fancy it. But there’s nothing wrong with you. Some people thrive and others falter; if you’re in the latter group, whatever you do, don’t get discouraged. Quite probably, it just wasn’t for you. It worries me a little that potentially good writers might feel inadequate if they don’t complete the task. It’s OK to take part, just as it’s OK to abstain.

If only...

I’m also not a big fan of the school of thought that dictates a writer can only call themselves a writer if they force themselves to produce something every day, whether it’s good or bad. I get depressed doing that, although I concede it’s probably useful if you’re working to a tight time-frame. But I can’t rest until I shape my words into something I’m proud of, and quite often there’s no space for such crazy perfection in every single busy day. I can’t stay hunched over my laptop till one o’clock regularly without something suffering; my health, usually. Anyway, the ‘writing muscle’ isn’t something you can only exercise while sitting at your desk. It’s constantly at work; the heartbeat of your subconscious, pumping ideas through your head, absorbing new ones from every experience. It can be incredibly liberating to remember that. A writer’s mind is never off duty, even if it feels as if it is. How can it be, when even your dreams at night can spew up ideas?

Then there are times in my life when I need to ruthlessly detach my mind from my WIP for an extended period, and I don’t allow myself to go near the world of the story except to jot down random notes in longhand. If I don’t maintain such a degree of separation I can’t function (to my satisfaction) doing whatever else life demands of me. This year, for example, I hardly wrote anything for weeks while I tried to get my house in order in preparation for some building work. Junk and memories accumulate, and I’m something of a hoarder; it’s difficult for me to let go. I knew that if I allowed myself to go near my story, I would weaken to the temptation, and never tackle the hard stuff reality was demanding of me.

On a smaller scale, and more frequently, it’s the same with family life; those days when I can’t succumb to my creative self because subsequently I’d be a crappy wife and mum. Some people can juggle lots of balls brilliantly, sadly I’m not one of them. I’m in awe of those who can, but I’m just not organised enough. Admittedly I’ve got the luxury of setting my own deadlines, but it’s worrying to think that many writers can’t just switch off when they might need to.

So, to recap - the message I’m trying to convey is that you have to find what suits YOU. 

Experiment.

Be flexible.

Relax.

Don’t get stressed over other writers’ habits; although by all means read about them, take advice, share tips.

In the end, though, you have to work to develop your own pattern, because there isn’t a right or a wrong method. And habits will be different at various points in your career. For instance, one day I wouldn’t mind working with a traditional publisher again (big or small), at least partially, but at the moment I need to be flexible enough to drop everything if my young family needs me.

So, finally (yes, this is the last paragraph, yay!) if you’ve read this far, thank you, and please remember one thing even if you forget everything else about this post – as writers we’re ALL mad and sane, each in our own wonderful, unique way. Let’s celebrate our differences, admit to them, learn from them and ultimately grow to respect them.

Valerie-Anne's latest release is the full-length novel FOUR SIDES TO EVERY STORY.

Mystery and magic in the sleepy Cheshire village of Fools Castle, where a lively young fairy-godmother who normally gets things very, very right, suddenly starts getting them disastrously wrong.

A modern, grown-up fairy tale perfect for fans of Sarah Addison Allen and Cecelia Ahern.

Amazon US - view here
Amazon UK - view here

www.valerie-annebaglietto.com
Twitter: @VABaglietto
Facebook: Valerie-Anne Baglietto Author

5 Top Tips for Juggling Writing with a Busy Life by Juliet Greenwood

Though some of the Novelistas write full time, we all have first-hand experience of juggling writing with work, family and other commitments. At a time of year when things can get frenetic, we thought we'd share some of our tips to ensure writing doesn't get lost in the chaos. First up is Juliet:

1. Simplify and organise (I’m still working on this one!)

The essential ingredients for writing are time and headspace. I’ve found the trick is to organise before I start actually writing a book so that I have as little to think about as is possible with a day job and a busy life.

Organise your writing time. Find a time of day that suits you and set yourself an amount of time or a word count each day. Because writing is an ‘invisible’ activity it can easily be pushed aside. Some writers get up at 5am, some start at midnight. Find your slot and stick to it. (But don’t beat yourself up if you miss it now and again.)

Simplify housework. Preferably don’t do it at all. A writer’s house that is spotless is a writer who is not writing! But, being realistic, stick to the loo and bits that visitors will see. You can have a blast of cleaning and catch up between drafts. And anyone who objects can always do it themselves. Housework is not rocket science.

Organise meals. The last thing you want to do when you’ve left your heroine in a fight to the death with wolves, or tied to a railway track, is to start thinking about how to make a meal. I try to have a day when I plan the meals for the week. I cook batches of soups and stews (while plotting, see 2) that can have bits added to them, and freeze them. And anyone who objects can always be pointed in the direction of the kitchen or the local take-away.

2. You don’t have to be writing to be writing.

Like most writers, I feel guilty if I’m not actually bashing the keys, but in reality much of writing a novel is working it out in your head, and this can be done any time, any place. I tend to work out the details of the next chapter, or a knotty plot twist, while walking the dog, gardening, the commute to work, queuing in a supermarket, cooking, or watching TV.

Thinking time

3. Little and often is better than none at all

You don’t have to write 5000 words a day. 500 is fine. The main thing is to try and do a little each day. Don’t worry if it’s rubbish. Books go through so many drafts you’ll have time to sort it – and you might find when you read it back it’s really rather brilliant. The main point is to keep the book in your head. To stay in its world and in love with the characters. That’s the way to keep the faith through the long, hard process of writing and rewriting that goes into creating a novel.

4. Switch off.

Don’t burn yourself out. Take days off. Get out in the sun. Don't feel guilty watching ‘Strictly’. Besides, everything you do can be classed as research…

5. Enjoy! 

(Or else what’s the point?)